IN MY SHOES: A Woman Can Love Children Without Having Any Of Her Own
Writing in The Washington Post, freelance documentary filmmaker Nancy Rome confesses, "I never thought I'd be childless." Thirteen years ago, when she was 37, she gave birth to her first – and only – child. The baby girl was stillborn, and her marriage broke up three years later. According to 2004 US Census Bureau figures, data, 44.6 percent of women 15 to 44 years old are childless. She describes what it’s like to be one of them:
I chose not to seek medical help or look for a sperm donor. Nor have I made myself a mother through adoption. Instead, I've come to see myself as part of a growing phenomenon -- one to which people often don't know how to respond.
Those of us who are not mothers do not fit into any of society's convenient boxes: We're not slaves to carpools or homework. At the same time, we are not necessarily obsessed about our careers or even ourselves; nor are we anti-family. Our days are simply lived according to a different rhythm: Children don't tug at my clothes and beg for attention; I don't leave my cellphone on during films or dinner parties in case the babysitter needs me; I travel; I read books - lots of them - as well as the newspaper. …
When I'm asked what happened after that November day in 1993, I say that we named our daughter Frances -- after my mother -- and that she is buried at a church near where we were in graduate school. I tell them I take tiny white roses and rosemary to her grave when I can.
I also tell them that I love my friends' children and my nieces and nephews and spend as much time with them as I can. Family gatherings become more bearable every year, and Christmas will be easier than it used to be. And these days, I can almost bring myself to hold an infant. So my life is hardly childless.
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