NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER: Taking Christ Out Of Christmas
It’s a tableau worthy of any 4-H Club county or state fair exhibit: The tiny West Virginia town of St. Albans (pop. 11,000) has put up a display in a local park that includes a manger - defined as "a container (usually in a barn or stable) from which cattle or horses feed"; a few animals; a couple of shepherds; a star (it’s nighttime); and a palm tree (this particular barn or stable must be in Phoenix). It cannot possibly be a Christmas display because the manger is not being used as a makeshift crib for the baby Jesus – and his parents, Mary and Joseph, are nowhere to be found, either.
There are conflicting reasons given for this, um, oversight. Parks Superintendent David Cunningham cites church-state separation anxiety, while Mayor Dick Callaway apparently did not want to mess around with tangled light cords: "It's not easy to put a light-up representation of a baby in a small manger scene, you know."
There is, however, one thing that differentiates this manger scene from a 4-H Club effort. Members of the 4-H Club swear an oath to pledge "my head to clearer thinking." Clearly, no one is thinking clearly in St. Albans.
- The Associated Press, December 1, 2006
How the Grinch Stole Christmas Part Duex (2006)
EVERY WHO DOWN IN WHOVILLE LIKED CHRISTMAS A LOT,
BUT THE GRINCH, WHO LIVED JUST NORTH OF WHOVILLE, DID NOT.
THE GRINCH HATED CHRISTMAS THE WHOLE CHRISTMAS SEASON
NO ONE KNOWS WHY, NO ONE KNOWS QUITE THE REASON.
IT COULD HAVE BEEN THAT THE GRINCH WAS JEW,
BUT HE WASN'T THE GRINCH SIMPLY HATED EACH WHO.
HE HATED THEM ALL SINCE THEY ALL SEEMED SO HAPPY
AND THE GRINCH'S POOR LIFE WAS COMPARATIVELY CRAPPY.
THE GRINCH WAS AN ATHIEST, GAY, AND A COMMIE
(SOMETHING HE'D LEARNED FROM HIS DAD AND HIS MOMMIE).
HE DIDN'T MIND WINTER SOLSTICE OR KWANZAA
BUT THE "CHRIST" NAME IN CHRISTMAS DROVE THAT GRUMPY GRINCH GONZA.
BECAUSE JESUS TAUGHT LOVE, GOODNESS, MORALS, AND SUCH
THINGS THAT THE GRINCH DIDN'T PRACTICE THAT MUCH.
BUT YOU KNOW THAT OLD GRINCH WAS SO SMOOTH AND SO SLICK
THAT HE THOUGHT UP A PLAN AND HE THOUGHT IT UP QUICK.
THIS YEAR NO SANTA SUIT, NO TASTY ROAST BEAST
NO TRUSTY DOG MAX OR CRASHING THE FEAST
NO MORE BROODING IN SILENCE, NO CINDY LOU WHO
NO.... THIS YEAR THE GRINCH WOULD CALL ACLU .
SO THE GRINCH GRABBED HIS CELL PHONE, HE GOT ON THE HORN
AND CALLED ON THE MOST VILE LAWYERS E'ER BORN.
ATTORNEYS AMORAL, AGGRESSIVE AND MEAN
WHO WORK IN THE WHOLE "HATE AMERICA" SCENE
AND YES ALL THESE LAWYERS WERE ALL CLOSET COMMIES
(SOMETHING THEY'D LEARNED FROM THEIR DADDIES AND MOMMIES).
AND THOUGH THEY WERE BAD FROM SHOELACES TO FACES
THEY'D ALL BECOME RICH ON A CONTINGENCY BASIS.
THEN HE CALLED MICHAEL NEWDOW, WHO REALLY HATES GOD
AND SOME MUSLIM LAWYER NAMED TAWFIQ HADAD.
WITH HIS DEVILS IN PLACE AND READY TO SUE
THE GRINCH NOW WAS READY TO SCREW EVERY WHO
ALL THE WINDOWS WERE DARK, QUIET SNOW FILLED THE AIR
ALL THE WHOS WERE ALL DREAMING SWEET DREAMS WITHOUT CARE.
WHEN HE CAME TO THE BRIGHT LIGHTS RIGHT THERE ON THE SQUARE.
THE GRINCH SAID, "THIS BANNER SIMPLY MUST GO
IT SAYS 'MERRY CHRISTMAS' IT CLEARLY SAYS SO.
I DON'T BELIEVE IN THIS JESUS CHRIST FELLOW."
THEN THE ACLU GUYS ALL STARTED TO BELLOW,
"THIS BANNER'S ILLEGAL, INTOLERANT, INTRUSIVE.
THE WHOS MUST REPLACE IT WITH SOMETHING INCLUSIVE."
SO THE BANNER CAME DOWN AND THE WHOS HAD SOME MEETINGS
AND PUT UP A NEW ONE THAT SAID "SEASONS GREETINGS."
WITH THE BANNER NOW HISTORY, THE GRINCH STARTED ON
THE SWEET MANGER SCENE ON THE CITY HALL LAWN.
THE ACLU GUYS SAID, "THIS TOO MUST GO.
PUT A KWANZAA DISPLAY UP RIGHT THERE IN THE SNOW!"
MIKE NEWDOW THEN SAID,"WE'VE GOT THESE WHOS OVER BARRELS,
SO IN ALL THE WHOS SCHOOLS WE'LL ELIMINATE CAROLS!
AND WHILE ALL THIS WAS HAPPENING WHAT DID THE WHOS DO?
WHY THEY DID NOTHING BUT CRY BOO-HOO-HOO
WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY. WE DON'T HAVE THE TIME.
THE COURTS ARE AGAINST US. IT'S SUCH A TOUGH CLIMB.
I GUESS WE'LL JUST LUMP IT. THIS MUST BE OUR FATE.
AND THEY CRIED AND THEY WHINED TILL ALL WAS TOO LATE.
THEN THE GRINCH AND THE LAWYERS RAN RAMPANT THROUGH TOWN.
TEARING EVERY REFERENCE TO JESUS CHRIST DOWN.
NOW ITS MANY YEARS LATER AND CHRIST IS ALL GONE
AND THE WHOS ARE ALL WONDERING WHERE D
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This is great! Thanks, and Merry Christmas.
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