IN MY SHOES: It's Hard Out There For A Caffeine Addict
Stanley Fish, who pens the "Think Again" blog for TimesSelect (subscription required until The New York Times finally drops its asinine policy), describes what it’s like to get a $3 cup of coffee these days, when "you’re paying for is the privilege of doing the work that should be done by those who take your money":
It used to be that when you wanted a cup of coffee you went into a nondescript place fitted out largely in linoleum, Formica and neon, sat down at a counter, and, in response to a brisk "What’ll you have, dear?" said, "Coffee and a cheese Danish." Twenty seconds later, tops, they arrived, just as you were settling into the sports page.
Now it’s all wood or concrete floors, lots of earth tones, soft, high-style lighting, open barrels of coffee beans …
[Y]ou may have one or two people in front of you who are ordering … "double shot," "skinny," "breve," "grande," "au lait" … If you are patient … you get to put in your order, but then you have to find a place to stand while you wait … trying not to get in the way of those you can’t help get in the way of. …
[Y]ou … make your way to where the accessories … are … you lunge after one thing and then after another with awkward reaches.
Unfortunately, two or three other people are doing the same thing, and each is doing it in a different sequence. So there is an endless round of "excuse me," "no, excuse me," as if you were in an old Steve Martin routine.
[T]here are so many items … lids, cup jackets, straws, napkins, stirrers, milk, half and half, water, sugar, Splenda, the wastepaper basket, spoons. You and your companions may strive for a ballet of courtesy, but what you end up performing is more like bumper cars. …
I won’t even talk about the problem of finding a seat.
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