IN MY SHOES: What It's Like To Be Free Of The Hijab
Zainab Mineeia, who worked as a translator and reporter for the Los Angeles Times in Iraq in 2005 and 2006, and now attends the Missouri School of Journalism, writes about her mixed feelings when she cast off her hijab at the age of 27 when she left Iraq to study in CA:
When I came to this country, I took off my hijab. It wasn't an easy decision. I worried at night that G-d would punish me for it. That's what I had been taught would happen, and it filled me with fear. …
I was going to stand bare in front of everyone. My neck, my hair, the top of my chest would all be exposed. This might (or might not) go unnoticed by others, but I would be keenly aware of it. I didn't know if I was ready to handle this feeling. …
I had talked with my parents about the fact that I might take off the hijab upon my arrival in the States; fortunately they were supportive of the idea. …
Muslim women begin wearing the hijab … as young as 8; others start later. Some never wear it at all. We wear it because we are told that it would be a sin not to cover ourselves … Women, we're told, are a source of enticement to men, and we need to be covered so that men won't desire us. …
The hijab takes different forms. In Iraq, it can be a chest-length veil that is placed around the head and sometimes can connect to a niqab, a cloth that covers the mouth and nose. …
After the fall of Saddam Hussein … as religious groups have gained more power, it has become dangerous to be spotted without [a hijab] - so much so that even Christian women now wear the hijab when they go out [emphasis, The Stiletto]. To me, that signified that something was wrong with my country. …
[M]y first [day] to go out without the hijab … I stood in front of the mirror and instead of straightening my hijab, I straightened my hair. It worried me, but I also felt happy.
At first, I looked behind me a lot … wondering who was looking at me and what they were thinking. But over time, I got used to it. My conscience stopped bothering me …
I sometimes take my hijab out of the closet and place it over my head. It feels strange, not unlike the feeling I had when I was preparing to stop wearing it.
At the same time, when I put it on, I feel at home, as if I wasn't far away. … The hijab was a part of my identity, a part of who I was, and those memories can't be erased.
Comments