It’s not so much that Barack Obama is so perfect a being that he lacks the sorts of foibles comedians seize upon to mock mercilessly, it’s more that jokemeisters don’t want to navigate a minefield of hypersensitivity that could destroy their careers. The fact that Obama has proven as prickly and prissy as any other earnest do-gooder liberal - columnist Kathleen Parker calls him a “purse-lipped church lady, clucking his tongue in disapproval of the chuckling masses” - makes it all the harder to tweak him without the joke blowing up in your face.   

That said, Los Angeles Times columnist Joes Stein derides “comedians who … whine about how hard it is to make fun of Obama”:

Really? They have an arsenal of jokes to use against a 71-year-old ex-POW cancer survivor and Obama is too touchy a subject?

Yeah, well, McCain isn’t black so anything goes – a point driven home by "Simpsons" writer Matt Selman, one of the comedic geniuses Stein turned to for help with thinking up Obama jokes:

[H]e came up with this: “A lot of people are worried about Obama being assassinated because he's black. The solution to that is a much blacker vice president. I'm thinking Flavor Flav.” Admittedly, Selman nervously said, “Don't make me look racist!” about 20 times before and after telling me his joke.

You don’t need The Stiletto to tell you that joke is not funny at all. Selman is obviously so intimidated by the fear of being labeled a racist, his creative juices dried up.

Stein does get off one good joke that combines Obama being overly concerned about his weight and wardrobe with his effete eating habits. The Stiletto took the liberty of tweaking the rhythm so the joke can be told verbally, instead of being read:

Obama is “manorexic,” metrosexual and eats arugula. He may be half-black, but he’s three-quarters gay. Ba-Dum-BUM!

Clearly, comedians will have to overcome their inhibitions before they can start churning out Obama jokes by the boatload. In a Townhall.com column, Jon Sanders, a policy analyst at the John Locke Foundation in Raleigh, N.C. advises taking baby steps and starting with the tried-and-true basics, like knock-knock jokes. Here’s one of his suggestions:

Q: How many Barack Obamas does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one. He holds the bulb, thinks the world revolves around him, and calls it change you can believe in.

In that spirit, here’s one from The Stiletto:

Q: How do you know Barack Obama has been in your refrigerator?

A: The lettuce is replaced by arugula.

Ba-Dum-BUM!

Editorial Note: While they’re at it, comedy writers need to put their thinking caps on and come up with something other than McCain’s age to poke fun at. It’s gotten stale by now.

Well-Chosen Words: Part V 

Words – and their contextual meanings – are in the news again. Here’s a round-up:

† The White House announced that President George Bush and Iraqi PM Nouri al-Maliki “have agreed to set a ‘time horizon’ for the withdrawal of U.S. combat troops from Iraq as part of a long-term security accord they are trying to negotiate by the end of the month,” reports The Washington Post. The Bush administration is defining “time horizon” as being an “aspirational goal” rather than a “timetable” or a “date certain” for the withdrawal of U.S. troops and the concomitant transfer of security responsibilities to Iraqi forces. The exact details still need to be hammered out, but the vagueness is intended to preserve the administration’s sensible policy to make draw-down decisions based on the facts on the ground while also giving political cover to Maliki, whose people are becoming increasingly dismayed at the thought that U.S. soldiers will be a permanent presence in their country.

It’s an interesting euphemism. In linear perspective, two parallel receding lines appear to converge then disappear at the horizon. In this case, the parallel lines are U.S. troop strength and Iraqi instability. Ideally, over time as the number of U.S. troops decreases security throughout Iraq will increase and when the U.S. disappears we leave behind a stable country that will continue to move towards democracy. But in a worst-case scenario, Iraqi forces will not be up to the task of keeping the peace, the country will descend into civil war and Iran will take advantage of the chaos by taking over, just as Syria occupied Lebanon, and Iraq will disappear.

† San Francisco Chronicle columnist Debra Saunders takes Fox News’ Bill O'Reilly to task for deciding that Jesse Jackson’s rhetorical threat to castrate Barack Obama was “newsworthy” but his use of a racial epithet that he has campaigned against for years was not:

O'Reilly told viewers that Jackson had uttered other ugly words, but that he would not air them because they “did not advance the story in one way, shape or form.” …

[W]hen a civil rights leader disparages the very people whom he is supposed to champion - that's news. And when the black person who uses the n-word word is a civil rights leader who challenged the entertainment industry not to use the word and called for a boycott of "Seinfeld" DVDs after one of the series' stars, Michael Richards, used the slur as a standup comic -- that's big news.

It is news that buries whatever credibility Jackson retained.

Which makes O'Reilly's decision not to broadcast the racist n-word incomprehensible. O'Reilly was giving a pass to Jackson …

Saunders also acknowledges that “it is different when a black person, as opposed to a white person, uses the two-syllable n-word” – a point that was made on ABC’s kaffeeklatsch-cum-talk show, “The View” when Whoopi Goldberg and Sherri Shepard, who are both black, explain (video) to their white colleagues Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Joy Behar, and Barbara Walters why blacks are allowed to use the term but whites can’t.

Hasselbeck gets upset after Goldberg gratuitously utters “n-----“ about a dozen times and points out: “We’re trying to get to a place where we feel like we’re … living in the same world. How are we supposed … to move forward if we keep using terms that bring back that pain?” How, indeed?

† In a somewhat related brouhaha involving what some regard an ethnic slur, Belmar Mayor Ken Pringle used the term "guidos" in his newsletter, Belmar Summer Rental News, to refer to a certain type of beach bungalow renter who descends upon Jersey shore towns such as his from Staten Island, NY, and wreaks all kinds of mayhem. “Guido is used by 20-somethings to refer to people of any ethnicity who share a sense of fashion, music and nightlife, and not as an ethnic slur,” notes Pringle, but since Italian-Americans from Staten Island took umbrage, he is ceasing publication and apologizes for any offense his humor has caused, reports The Associated Press. Too bad. From the article snippets The Stiletto read, Pringle is a funny guy.   

Editorial Note: In point of fact, the term “guido” is not synonymous with “Italian” – a guido is merely the latest incarnation of what an earlier generation referred to as a “greaser.” You know the type.  

† In a “herstory”-making development, Atlanta, GA will be replacing 50 “Men Working Ahead” roadside construction signs with new  signs that say “Workers Ahead” at the behest of Cynthia Good, editor of PINK Magazine, which focuses on topics of interest to professional women, reports The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Union leader Gina Pagnotta tells AJC that “It is a little bit bias to say 'Men Working.' Women are working, too.” Atlanta Public Works estimates that it will cost $144 to buy new signs.

Supreme Being V. Supreme Court

An article in The Wall Street Journal about United Methodist Church pastor Rev. Eileen Lindsay torn between her church’s dogma that homosexuality is “incompatible with Christian teaching” and her desire to “care for their flocks' religious needs, including performing marriages” when the couple seeking holy matrimony is gay is headlined: “Moral Dilemma: When Weddings Are a Career Risk.” Given that there is a Higher Authority than the CA Supreme Court, some copy editor at The Journal was asleep at the switch because the headline should have read: “Career Dilemma: When Weddings Are A Moral Risk.”