NOT THE SHARPEST KNIVES IN THE DRAWER: Homeland Insecurity
Israeli-born Arye Sachs, 48, a self-described “crazy redneck Jew" with attention-deficit disorder, somehow gets a 25-foot-long decommissioned U.S. missile, emblazons it with the slogan “Viva Viagra,” puts it on a flatbed trailer and drives it through the Lincoln Tunnel to the EXXXOTICA sex convention in NJ last month.
Pfizer, which manufactures Viagra, no doubt got wind of the stunt when Sachs next took the missile through the Queens Midtown Tunnel into Manhattan and drove past the company’s 42nd Street headquarters. Pfizer successfully sued for trademark infringement.
During the proceedings an incredulous Judge William Pauley III asked the question that was undoubtedly on everyone’s mind:
“How do you get the missile on the trailer into Manhattan?”
Sachs … drove his “missile” through the Lincoln Tunnel five times, and was only stopped twice.
“They checked license and registration, but not the missile,” he said.
“You're telling me that when you drove up to the Lincoln Tunnel …” Pauley said.
“They saluted,” said Sachs, who is representing himself in court.
The New York Post reports that its sources at MTA Bridges and Tunnels claim no one remembers a missile being transported through the Queens Midtown Tunnel, and a spokesperson for the Port Authority will “look into” the Lincoln Tunnel crossings.
One can’t help but worry that Usama bin Laden is sitting in a cave somewhere in Peshawar trying to think up a gimmick to disguise a dirty bomb attack in the heart of NYC.
[Hat Tip: The Heel, an Ivy-educated attorney with a prestigious New York firm, and occasional contributor to this blog.]
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