† Living In These Mad, Mad, Madoff Times: New York Post media analyst Keith Kelly reports that life for Condé Nast’s cosseted employees is getting less cushy:

As Condé Nast continues to take a pounding, with ad pages off 30 percent to 40 percent in many titles, some industry observers are expecting that the perks doled out to the highest-ranking executives and chief editors among the most lavish in the industry may be the next to take the hit. …

Many of the cutbacks so far, in head count and revenue, have seemed to be aimed at mid-level staffers.

For example, there is no hiring going on, there is no longer a tuition-reimbursement plan and the company is ceasing to fund its corporate pension plan adding no newcomers.

Still, there are plenty of perks at the top and these may be the next to go.

"While competitors are walking and taking subways and taxis, Condé people are still taking town cars with a driver," said one source. Top executives, publishers and editors also get personal cars that they keep at home, often valued as high as $100,000.

"Those things are culturally ingrained," said one ex-Nasty. … "I think they're worried if they took it away, nobody would work there."

Among the perks that have disappeared in recent months: being able to expense lunches at the desk. But the higher ups still regularly dine at the Four Seasons and stay in five-star hotels in Paris and Milan. …

The cutbacks and drooping ad revenue have fomented fear and loathing in the ranks and also resentment. Until the recent hard times, most top executives self-audited their expenses. "Nobody ever questioned them."

In a follow-up report, Kelly has learned that “a number of the magazine giant's most prominent editors and executives are shunning the chauffeur-driven Mercedes and taking the subway instead,” including New Yorker Editor-in-Chief David Remnick, Gourmet Editor-in-Chief Ruth Reichl and Portfolio Publisher William Li. An insider tells Kelly that Remnick lives just two express stops away from Condé Nast Times Square headquarters, and Reichl says she has always used mass transit instead of town cars.

Meanwhile, across town at Citibank headquarters on Park Avenue, the serially bailed out bank is spending some $10 million on new offices for CEO Vikram Pandit on the second floor, “a floor below the one [he] inherited … from Charles “Chuck” Prince in December 2007,” reports Bloomberg:

Affidavits filed with New York’s Department of Buildings show Citigroup expects to pay at least $3.2 million for basic construction such as wall removal, plumbing and fire safety. By the time architect’s fees and expenses such as furniture are added, the tally for the offices at the bank’s Park Avenue headquarters will be at least three times as high, according to a person familiar with the project who declined to be identified because he’s not authorized to comment. …

Of the biggest U.S. banks that received federal aid, only Citigroup has turned to the government three times for rescue. The company, once the biggest U.S. bank by assets and market value, has agreed to limit perks and restrict executive pay. …

Some city approvals for the project weren’t issued until after Citigroup got its first $25 billion from the U.S. in October, under the Troubled Asset Relief Program, or TARP, according to records available at the New York Department of Buildings. …

The floor being vacated will be subleased, Citigroup said in its statement.

Plans and instructions for the bank’s contractors, on file with the city, specify the installation of at least one Sub-Zero Inc. refrigerator and icemaker in the renovated space, along with “premium grade” millwork and Madico Inc. “Safety Shield 800” blast-proof window film. The project encompasses 17 private offices, each with space for administrative assistants, as well as two conference rooms and open areas with “soft seating,” according to the plans.

You’ll notice that The Stiletto boldfaced the words “fire safety.” Is Citi’s headquarters a fire trap, a tragedy waiting to happen? Um, no. The Stiletto heard from an employee that the redesign involves a working fireplace, which means installing proper venting and fireproofing – the exorbitant cost of which is the subject of resentful water cooler gossip amongst the rank-and-file.

Another Citi employee, a neighborhood bank manager The Stiletto knows, was fit to be tied when Pandit sent out an e-mail to employees about the bonus backlash:

“Our industry has recently seen a tide of negative sentiment rising in Washington, D.C. regarding compensation. Of course, some of it is warranted. But I take exception when there is a discussion about spreading the blame to each and every employee in the financial services industry. …

We will continue to do everything we can to ensure that we can pay our employees fairly, reflecting their market value and hard work, especially during these challenging times.”

She is as aghast at the multimillion dollar bonuses the fat cats at the top are getting as everyone else. She tells The Stiletto that one percent bonuses are the norm for most Citi employees. Assuming she makes $45K a year, her bonus would be a whopping $450.

† One Man’s Meat Is Another Man’s Poison (second item): Some people may be bitter about plummeting net worth, others may have soured on Tiny Tim Geithner, but there’s one sweet spot in the economy, reports The New York Times:

As unemployment has risen and 401(k)’s have shrunk, Americans, particularly adults, have been consuming growing volumes of candy, from Mary Janes and Tootsie Rolls to Gummy Bears and cheap chocolates, say candy makers, store owners and industry experts.

Theories vary on exactly why. For many, sugar lifts spirits dragged low by the languishing economy. For others, candy also provides a nostalgic reminder of better times. And not insignificantly, it is relatively cheap. …

At Candyality, a store in the Lakeview neighborhood of Chicago, business has jumped by nearly 80 percent compared with this time last year, and the owner, Terese McDonald, said she was struggling to keep up with the demand for Bit-O-Honeys, Swedish Fish and Sour Balls.

At the Candy Store in San Francisco, the owner, Diane Campbell, has tripled her orders for nostalgic candies like Necco Wafers and Mallo Cups in recent months. Many of her customers tell her that even though they are living on less, they’re setting aside cash for candy. …

Cadbury reported a 30 percent rise in profits for 2008 while Nestle’s profits grew by 10.9 percent, according to public filings. Hershey, which struggled for much of 2008, saw profits jump by 8.5 percent in the fourth quarter. …

“Candy companies are relatively recession-proof,” said Peter Liebhold, chairman of the Smithsonian Institution’s work and industry division. “During the Great Depression, candy companies stayed in business.”

† Obama Administration’s Tactless Diplomatic Debut: One of the mysteries behind Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s recent Russian translation snafu is how it could have happened, given the number of Russian speakers and translators who now work for her. Politico reports that none of them were consulted, and that the project was instead handled “by her longtime Senate press secretary Philippe Reines”:

The day of the event, people involved said, Reines showed the finished product to officials who spoke Russian, but who weren’t native, or up-to-date enough to catch the error in a word out of computer terminology. 

One of those was the senior director for Russia at the National Security Council, Michael McFaul, a well-known Russia scholar. Three people familiar with the incident said that, in its aftermath, Reines sought to place public blame on McFaul, a former Stanford professor.

Pressed Monday on the button incident, Reines denied that he’d ever blamed McFaul, and sent over a joking statement taking responsibility for the gaffe.

“Ultimotely [sic], this was my soul [sic] risponsibility [sic], nobody else's in or out of the building. While the Russians laughed off the error and accepted the gift in the spirit of cooperation that it was meant, I've been sic [sic] about the mistake since, especially that I let down the Secretary and the fine professionals at the State Department,” he e-mailed.

As Bugs Bunny would say (video link), “What a maroon! What an ignoranimus!”

† All The News That’s Fart To Print: Marketing Daily reports that Charmin manufacturer P&G has unveiled a new Web site - SitOrSquat.com - that tells you where to go when you gotta go:

The Web site is designed to help travelers find the cleanest public restrooms wherever they happen to be on Earth …

The SitOrSquat mobile app for iPhone and BlackBerry is essentially a Wiki for recording and accessing bathroom information globally on bathrooms, changing tables, handicapped access and other amenities. According to Charmin, SitOrSquat has over 52,000 toilets in 10 countries worldwide. Since the SitOrSquat service launched, more than 1,600 users have downloaded the application and the SitOrSquat has over 500,000 unique visitors to date. …

Also, per P&G, it's ideal for people with infants, irritable bowel syndrome, Crohn's disease, "or any other situation requiring immediate access to bathrooms."

The SitOrSquat site – the name is derived from the squeamish sentiment, "If any part of my skin touches this commode, I will cut it off with a paring knife" – was started by a blogger in NYC. The Stiletto predicts that it won’t be long before there will be a Facebook app allowing friends to warn other friends when someone isn’t being diligent enough with the toilet bowl brush at home.

† Your Butt Will Look Good In These Jeans: Regular readers of this blog know that The Stiletto has been pretty tough on Michelle Obama’s figure flaws, owing to the fact that the rest of the media are kissing up to her by gushing over her bionic biceps. Now that MO herself forthrightly and self-deprecatingly acknowledged she is not the epitome of feminine pulchritude in an interview (“I have hips, and I have them covered up with these pleats.”) The Stiletto was moved to drop the issue. Then she came across this paean to MO’s right to bare arms by The Associated Press. The Stiletto feels compelled to fight hagiography with the bare truth, so the “Your Butt Will Look Good …” series will continue for now.

[Hat Tip: OpinionJournal.com]
 

† Dead Men Write No Wills: Allentown, PA, attorney John Karoly Jr., who is under indictment for allegedly faking his brother's will has now been indicted for filing false income tax returns, mail fraud, wire fraud and money laundering to evade taxes on more than $5 million in income and “concocting a scheme to get a $500,000 tax deduction for charity by laundering money through a church,” reports The Legal Intelligencer:  

According to the indictment, John Karoly Jr. reported that he had no taxable income in 2002 when he knew that he had more than $834,000 in taxable income. In 2004, the indictment charges, he reported more than $881,000 in income, but failed to report more than $3.3 million in additional income. And for the year 2005, the indictment alleges, he reported $565,000, but failed to report more than $1 million in additional income.

† Updates To Previous Posts (second item, BYOB?): NASA halted testing of the International Space Station's urine recycler after engineers were unable to get the water purification system that “recycles urine and condensate into drinking water” to work, reports Reuters:

The Discovery crew delivered a new distiller for the centrifuge-type device that was successfully tested without liquids on Saturday.

Problems developed during the first test run Sunday using urine. …

NASA wants to have the urine recycler working before expanding the station's live-aboard crew from three to six members in May.

The shuttle is scheduled to land   at the Kennedy Space Center on Saturday, March 28^th.

Editorial Note: A part was replaced on the urine recycler, which allowed the Discovery crew to bring back about a gallon of purified sweat and urine for toxicological testing. If the water is deemed potable, the current inhabitants of the space station will get the go-ahead to quaff.