NOT THE SHARPEST KNIVES IN THE DRAWER: It’s Groundhog Day, All Over Again
Yes folks, it’s that time of year again: Tomorrow, Punxsutawney Phil - the unusually long-lived prognosticating groundhog - will tell us whether he sees his shadow, dooming us to another six weeks of frigid weather. He communicates his verdict in "groundhog-ese" to the Groundhog Club's Inner Circle president who then translates it into English. Got that?
In the 124 years ol’ Phil has been predicting the weather – a typical groundhog would have been in the ground permanently roughly 118 years ago – he’s purportedly seen his shadow about 80 percent of the time. Which should be strong enough “evidence” to counter the bogus global warming claims in those U.N.’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) reports.
This year, there’s a high-tech twist to Phil’s mysterious methods: Those who cannot get to Punxsutawney, PA, to see Phil up close and personal will be able to text "Groundhog" to 247365 to get his prediction (in English).
Now, The Stiletto hates to pour cold water on this venerable event meant to separate tourists from their dollars, but having Phil “text” his prediction is stretching credulity a tad too far. How is it that Phil can speak only “groundhogese” but can text in English? Also, everyone knows that opossums have opposable thumbs, but not groundhogs - so Phil can’t use a PDA keyboard or cell phone keys to text his message. Oh wait, maybe Phil’s neighbor is an opossum who knows English. Yeah, that’s it.
Editorial Note: According to LiveScience.com, on other 364 days of the year, Phil eats, sleeps and poses for photos. Cushy as his one-day-a-year job is, he must be getting bored with it, because he once tried to “run for the hills.”
Update: For what it’s worth, Phil saw his freakin’ shadow.
Comments