IN MY SHOES: Breaking Up Over Bedbugs
NY-based writer Amy Bonnaffons imagines this droll kiss-off letter over bedbugs:
Mark, I don't think we should be together anymore. It's not you—it's your bedbugs.
I know they've been gone for six years, but since you told me about your 2004 infestation I can't get it out of my mind. You are probably right that the thing I saw in your apartment was just a pumpkin seed. …
Yes, it was perhaps excessive to require your grandmother to wrap her sofa in plastic before our visit, and to put on that hooded poncho and face mask before I hugged her. …
Mark, I recognize that I have a problem. I need help. And I need to be on my own to get it. …
I wish you luck and love as you embark on your life without me. Be well, Mark. Sleep tight, and don't let the . . . I'll stop here.
Sincerely,
Your (ex)girlfriend,
Judith
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